o0o Friday June 5th, 1998, 11:05 A.M. o0o

Hello everyone. As you may know i'm graduating from high school in 7 days. Today was our awards assembly, i reseved no awards. Tommarow is our prom, i'm am not going. The yearbooks are not ariving until 3 weeks after we graduate, but that is okay i'm not purchasing one. On the last one i believe a mistake was made and i did put a deposit down, but their records show no such deposit; memory can be a tricky thing.

so in seven days i'll find myself all alone jobless and not enrolled anywhere. My only goal is to loss about 35 pounds by September so that i may enlist in the Marines.

I never felt a need to moogie moogie down on anything before this instant, nothing really could make such an impact as the realization that everything that makes up my life will be changing shortly (the friends i see in school will be gone soon. the schedule that shapes my daily life will cese to be a part of it. The freedom and lack of resposiblity being a dependent minor granted me traded for Adulthood and resposiblity, and what ever else i'm forgetting.) I don't even have a driver's liecence and i'm going to be eighteen tomarrow. My saving's account has five dollors in it and i've never worked a day in my life.

You want to know what i wonder the most? I wonder who is going to die on senior prom night or graduation night from my class. I expect that someone will die. I wonder what life is going to be like for everyone else after they leave this institution.

I'm making a scrapbook of my bedroom. Everything comes down and i decied what to keep and what to get rid of. Should i Keep this Should i donate that. As soon as i move out my brother will get my room. I feel the most confusing push and pull from my mother like she wants me to leave by mid-fall but she needs me to stay forever.

When I leave in October I'll be gone for quiet some time and then life will start. The road trip will not happen as planed this summer a trip to New Mexico may or may not happen -- i simply do not have the funding.

I fell asleep in the bath tub last night, i was asleep for at least an hour I woke up cold wet and tired to my mom telling me to go to bed and that i may have drowned. I went to bed wet and woke up shivering -- i think my window was open.

11:40 p.m.

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