o0o Thursday August 13, 1998, 6:38 AM o0o

Well here it is, the new layout. Argghhhh! I have yet to sleep, all because I wanted to get this out by today as promised to two friends who I hope will take the time to visit. There is still a bunch of things I want to do with to this place, but there are problems, too, that must be fixed first. Now I understand why they call it nutscrape, I made this beautiful layout; everything's perfect, yet it refuses to display it properly, maybe if it's viewed in 2084x1600 it would work, but not a single member of my audience uses that resolution. I'm so tired I getting sloppy.

At about 4:30 I started feeling like I was waking-up, but try as I might I can't recapture the feeling. It is a beautiful morning, I can't see a cloud in the sky and it suppose to be 90 today. I don't think I'm going to sleep for another 14 hours. I have gotten into the worst sleeping pattern: I'll stay awake till 1-3 in the morning and I'll sleep until noon or one. The days have gotten out of hand, way out of hand, ugh. I missed Desiree's concert because I had no idea how much time had lapsed and I'd been out of touch with all but four of my friends. Oh well I'm not the only one who missed it...

So I bought a computer... Now I don't have to wait my turn to edit this or tend to a dozen other projects. I've learned quiet a bit about the superficial end of system administrating, I had to -- I hate clutter. Want to know the funny part? I only have a 14.4 modem in this machine -- a hand-me -down from the p90 belonging to my family. And about 50 megabytes of video files are stranded on that machine as it now refuses to recognize my zip drive. My dad blames it on the legacy hardware that it has. perhaps it has something to do with it, by means of a power surge, erasing the boot sector of the c drive, thank god we kept everything non-system on the other drive.

and all the stars drip down like butter and promises are sweet we hold out our pans with our hands to catch them to eat them up drink them up, up, up, up

It's been nearly a month... I have been having a problem with others now seeing me as an "adult" I joked about the age thing before, but now I feel separated from my friends. I never really thought of this as important; many of my friends who are older than I never seemed to have gone through this transition, but I don't like all the connotations of 'being an adult'. I don't like all the restrictions veiled under the heading "freedom" I don't like how certain things are no longer forgivable and I still don't have a drivers license.

all the milk is frozen, all of it, and I haven't had breakfast in days. I haven't been eating much more than cherry coke and 10pm dinners loaded with fat; mostly hamburgers, pizza, or steak. the sky has darken to blue now, it was so light when I started that I mistakenly believed that it was overcast.

I'm going to go for a walk as soon as I upload this

something; not this, calls.

-Later

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